Right now I’m smiling from ear to ear and my face has looked like this for quite a while today. It’s almost starting to hurt. Why…you ask? Well, my oldest is home from college for the holiday and while she’s been here for a while and her friends have been in and out of the house, it finally dawned on me that nothing has really changed.
Mariah goes to a school which is only a little over an hour away. When she first decided that the school was the place for her, I was elated. My child would be close! I can visit anytime I want! WRONG!
The fact that her school is close just doesn’t seem to matter. I have been able to go for Parents’ Day and on one occasion to take her to the mall for lunch. She’s also been home for Thanksgiving. IT’S JUST NOT ENOUGH….or so I’ve been thinking/feeling.
College kids are extremely busy. Besides the academic work load, Mariah is a theatre major and therefore auditions for any and everything she can. She also just recently auditioned for and was accepted into an improvisational group, a very big deal. In addition, she’s got a college social life with a wonderful set of new friends. She’s having a blast and she should be.
*sigh* It’s been hard not having her around. Mariah is quite a presence in the house. Yes, I’ve still got my Hayley baby at home with me, thank goodness, but while I’ve enjoyed spoiling her and focusing all of my attention on Hayley, something she’s never gotten before, it’s still just been too quiet. I love the interaction between my two girls. One of my little birds has flown away.
Tonight, for whatever reason, my funk lifted. Mariah had a friend over for dinner and then two more showed up shortly afterwards. It’s now almost midnight and they’re still down there talking, laughing, sharing and just being kids.
It’s inevitable that they grow up. It’s what’s supposed to happen. We miss them. We feel sad, unimportant, old…., but nothing really changes. They walk in the door, like they’ll do for the rest of their lives, and their smiles and laughter and sorrows and need of mommy’s love will never change.She’ll always be my baby and she’ll always need me. I feel incredibly lucky.
I’m going to continue to focus on Hayley while she’s home. She deserves this time and attention from me. I feel as if I’m getting to know her on my much deeper level. Yes, she’ll be gone as well in the upcoming Fall and then I’ll officially be an empty nester, but she too will come back home and will always be my baby.
Have you gone through this? How did you handle it? Me? Well…I started blogging.